Category Archives: Deities and Demigods

Sometimes I Get Really Bad Ideas

This one involves mashing together an ultimate end boss from 3e’s most ill-conceived books –- the Epic Level Handbook and Deities and Demigods. Just short of pun-pun brokenness, Io would be at the bottom of The Final D&D dungeon: a Tomb of Horrors style monstrosity of near-endless foes using progressively more broken stats and tactics. The dungeon that, if I were crazy enough to run and let my players beat it, would result in me throwing up my hands and shouting “FINE! You win D&D.”

Io isn’t the impartial, uncaring entity that most of us think he is – in reality the True Dragon is also the multiverse’s True and Ultimate Evil. He’s imprisoned for now, but the seals are weakening. He is gathering all manner of Evil to him, and some Good too – I hear he’s a very charming fellow who throws the most wonderful dinner parties…what? Sorry, anyway, he’s imprisoned within Adamant Mountain, the ultimate dungeon. Of course it’s another dungeon, he’s a dragon isn’t he? And yes, as the name implies, the mountain is made entirely of adamantine. And the mountain is enchanted with super duper extra strong anti-dimensional magic, so you can’t just blip in and out of trouble…*cough*…I mean, so that Io can’t escape.

— So says some old sage git who dies of old age, right at this very moment, so he can’t give you any more information. Um, no, Speak with Dead doesn’t work. He’s too crotchety to return from his eternal rest. No, visiting him on the outer planes won’t help; he’s forgotten everything he knew in life…

Io, the True Dragon
Io is the biggest dragon you’ve ever seen. I know I say that about every dragon, but I promise this time it’s true. His scales are flawless mythril plates of draconic perfection. How’re they different from the scales of Bahamut and your silver dragon cohort? I dunno…they’re more shiny, or something.

Really Colossal Dragon
Divine Rank: 25
Domains: Destruction, Luck, Trickery
Hit Dice: 60d12 + 1,920 (2,640)
I Go First: No really, unless someone else also has Supreme Initiative, I don’t even have to roll. If I do have to roll off against someone who has Supreme Initiative, I have a +16 bonus.
Speed: 60 ft. (12 squares), fly 300 ft. good (60 squares), swim 60 ft. (12 squares), burrow 30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class: 131 (-8 size, +12 Dex, +25 divine, +32 deflection, +60 natural), touch 71, flat-footed 119; Oh, and there’s also a 75% chance that you’ll miss me even if you hit. So good luck with that.
Base Attack/Grapple: +60/+133
Mm, Tasty Adventurer: Bite +109 (6d6 + 32)
I Slice and Dice Too: Bite +109 (6d6 + 32), Claws +109/+109/+104/+99/+94 (4d8 + 16), Wings +109/+109/+104/+99/+94 (4d6 + 16), Tail Slap +109 (4d8 + 48)
Space/Reach: 30 ft./30 ft. (40 ft. with bite) I should be bigger and longer than this, but you don’t have a mini big enough!
Special Attacks: Bad Breath, Crush, Frightful Presence, Tail Sweep, Spells
Special Qualities: I’m Immune Sucka!, Pffft I Don’t Even Have to Roll, Blind Sense 60 ft., Damage Reduction 50/epic, Fast Healing 45, Keen Senses, Spell Resistance 50
I Laugh at Your Tricks: Fort +89, Ref +69, Will +89
Don’t Hate Me ‘Cause I’m Perfect: Str 75, Dex 35, Con 75, Int 75, Wis 75, Cha 75
Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better: Bluff +120, Concentration +120, Diplomacy +120, Escape Artist +100, Hide +100, Intimidate +120, Knowledge (Arcane) +120, Listen +120, Move Silently +100, Search +120, Sense Motive +120, Spell Craft +120, Spot +120, Use Magic Device +120
Feats: Heighten Spell, Improved Initiative, Improved Multiattack, Improved Rapid Strike (Claws), Improved Rapid Strike (Wings), Large and in Charge, Multiattack, Power Attack, Quicken Breath, Quicken Spell, Rapid Strike (Claws), Rapid Strike (Wings), Silent Spell, Still Spell
Epic Feats: Dire Charge, Epic Spell Casting, Improved Metamagic (3), Multispell (2)
Salient Divine Abilities: Alter Reality, Alter Form, Alter Size, Area Divine Shield, Battle Sense, Clear Sight, Control Creatures (Dragons), Divine Blast, Divine Celerity, Divine Dodge, Divine Fast Healing, Divine Glibness, Divine Spell Casting, Mass Divine Blast, Divine Shield, Free Move, Instant Counter Spell, Instant Move, Power of Luck, Power of Truth, Rejuvenation, Shape Change, Shift Form, Supreme Initiative, True Shape Change
Environment: Adamant Mountain
Organization: They Don’t Know What to Do With Just One of Me
Challenge Rating: 40 + Divine Ranks = You Can’t Beat Me
Treasure: You’re Wearing My Newest Delivery
Alignment: Neutral, Because Now You Can’t Smite Me
Bad Breath: 80 ft. cone; 40d12 damage; Reflex half (DC 72).
Crush: See MM, page 68; Huge or smaller foe; Reflex DC 72; 6d6 + 48 damage.
Frightful Presence: See MM, page 69; 600 ft. radius; Will DC 72.
Tail Sweep: See MM, page 68; Large or smaller foes; 50 ft. radius; Reflex DC 72; 4d6 + 48 damage.
I’m Immune Sucka!: Ability Damage, Ability Drain, Banishment Effects, Cold Damage, Death Effects, Disease, Disintegration, Electricity Damage, Energy Drain, Fire Damage, Imprisonment Effects, Mind-Affecting Effects, Paralysis Effects, Poison, Rebuking, Sleep Effects, Stunning, Transmutation, Turning
Pffft I Don’t Even Have to Roll: Even if my bonuses weren’t crazy high, I’m a freakin’ overdeity. That means I’m treated as rolling a 20 on any check, saving throw or attack roll. Roll those attacks anyway though; I might get a critical threat! Oh and I always deal maximum damage – whether physical, breath weapon or spell. (As if I would use a direct damage spell – they’re so noob!)
Spells: Io casts spells as a 40th level sorcerer with the metamagic specialist feature. Because he’s extra special, Io has access to any spell list he wants. Spell DCs 42 + Spell Level.

Epic Spells (6/day): True Contingent Resurrection

True Contingent Resurrection
Necromancy [Healing] – (Because Io was born in the ancient days, when healing spells were necromancies)
Spell Craft DC: 92
Components: DF
Casting Time: 1 quickened action
Range: Touch
Target: You or touched creature
Duration: Contingent until expended, then instantaneous
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: Yes (harmless)
To Develop: Seed: life (DC 27). Factor: quickened spell (+28 DC), activates when subject dies (+25 DC), no somatic component (+2 DC), no verbal component (+2 DC), no remains required (+4 DC ad hoc), no level loss (+4 DC ad hoc).
Effect: I’m back, biatch!

Spells I’ll Never Run Out Of:
32nd Level Spells (2/day)
31st Level Spells (2/day)
30th Level Spells (2/day)
29th Level Spells (2/day)
28th Level Spells (3/day)
27th Level Spells (3/day)
26th Level Spells (3/day)
25th Level Spells (3/day)
24th Level Spells (4/day)
23rd Level Spells (4/day)
22nd Level Spells (4/day)
21st Level Spells (4/day)
20th Level Spells (5/day)
19th Level Spells (5/day)
18th Level Spells (5/day)
17th Level Spells (5/day)
16th Level Spells (6/day)
15th Level Spells (6/day)
14th Level Spells (6/day)
13th Level Spells (6/day)
12th Level Spells (7/day)
11th Level Spells (7/day)
10th Level Spells (7/day)
9th Level Spells (12/day): Freedom, Imprisonment, Mass Heal
8th Level Spells (13/day): Dimensional Lock, Greater Spell Immunity, Moment of Prescience
7th Level Spells (13/day): Blasphemy, Greater Arcane Sight, Greater Restoration
6th Level Spells (13/day): Antimagic Field, Disintegrate, Heal
5th Level Spells (13/day): Break Enchantment, Rary’s Telepathic Bond, Telekinesis, Wall of Force
4th Level Spells (14/day): Bestow Curse, Greater Invisibility, Neutralize Poison, Superior Magic Fang (SC)
3rd Level Spells (14/day): Contagion, Haste, Magic Circle, Slow
2nd Level Spells (14/day): Bark Skin, Bear’s Endurance, Bull’s Strength, Protection from Arrows, Wraith Strike (SC)
1st Level Spells (14/day): Feather Fall, Mage Armor, Magic Missile, Shield, True Strike
0 Level Spells (6/day): Who cares, honestly?